2016 has been firing on all cylinders so far! Despite the loss of several of your cultural icons this month (David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Grizzly Adams, and I’ll even include Glenn Frey), everything else in Bridezilla’s world is vastly improved over last year. Thanks to the results of my annual physical, I’m now on a fish-heavy, low-cholesterol, low-fat diet with daily seaweed and krill supplements (reduced-plastic too, of course). This shouldn’t sound like a big change, but I’m afraid I lost my way a bit over the past few years, and really took to chomping up your land-based animals and buildings on the reg… which was good for my floating-fat, but not good for my heart or my mood. Now I’ll have to work harder to wade through the shallows, but I will have a svelter waistline!
I’ve also taken steps to address some lingering health issues (nothing serious), so I’m working out more frequently and spending less time reclining on the comfy rock shelf in my living cave. And I signed up for an underwater ballet class! It’s amazing what a few hundred meters of water pressure and resistance will do to augment my strength and stamina.
Most importantly, I’ve re-joined the world of collaborative screaming (which you land-lubbers refer to as “choral singing”). It feels great. I have earned entry into a local group of Symphonic Screamers, and am really looking forward to our first concert in March! Perhaps, if you listen closely, you’ll be able to hear our dulcet tones floating ‘cross the waves.
I’m also happy to report that my job is going well (I’ve been promoted to “First-Class Smasher of Cities With Populations of More Than 250,000;” try fitting that on your business card), my beloved GroomZilla is happy and healthy, and MomZilla and DadZilla are both still alive and taking down small nuclear power plants every few months to stay active. Even my ancient pet giant tortoise is still hanging in there.
All of these things are radical improvements over 2015. Boy, was that a rough year. By the time December rolled around, I felt as if I’d been clubbed at some point and had an organ removed! It feels great to be back on my feet and motivated once more to take on the world. So, look out, World! Bridezilla is back, and she’s stronger, faster, and louder than ever! RAAAWWRRRR!!
Bridezilla Speaks 